As a mid-30s millennial with no kids I have often wondered when I will feel like an adult. But now I know: gaining weight.

Nobody actually likes pumpkin spice which is why the only offer it in the autumn so that people forget that they don't like it and then go crazy buying pumpkin spice everything until they remember that. Then they forget until the following autumn.

It's good to be back in the office. I haven't slammed my arm into a door knob in a long time.

Exhibit A in any argument on the shortcomings of Apple News.

I'm still upset that my senior class voted me "Least Likely To Let Things Go".

Uncontrollable Gas

For people who can't stop tooting!